i'll feel it when i see it
Do you believe in love at first sight? I know I do, because I’ve experienced it at least 10 times throughout my life. Though, to date, it hasn’t been in the traditional, romantic sense with another human being. But somehow, I always know it when I see it. Or more accurately, I feel it when I see it. Even if I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for to begin with.
A few months ago, I was overtaken with the urge to refresh several different pieces in my apartment — which was also a case of love at first sight, but we’ll talk about that later. A new couch, a new painting for above the couch, an Elvis clock for my gallery wall that features his legs swinging back and forth. Some of the last items on my list were new tables and chairs for my dining room, as I’d hastily taken my parents’ old set just to fill the space when I moved in nearly five years ago. All I knew was that I wanted something colorful and probably vintage, so I set off to Facebook Marketplace to wade through the sea of damaged upholstery, cracked table tops, and bland, beige ‘90s designs. I’d estimate that I spent about a month, multiple times per day and night, typing in “bohemian” and “funky” and “whimsical” to no avail, and scouring flea markets on the weekends.
It wasn’t there. It wasn’t there. It just…wasn’t there. And then suddenly, there it was. A round wooden table and four chairs, every square inch painted with a folk art design that incorporated all the colors of the rainbow. Each chair had a different theme, from from a purple-and-pink “Sing and Dance” aesthetic with musical notes to a “See the World” seat emblazoned with mountains and trees. The description in the listing read, “Folk art whimsical hand painted table and chair set, very fun and funky. Bohemian and happy vibe. little shabby chic, rustic style.” Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, and check. A Venmo payment and a day later, the set sat in my dining room and felt like it should have been there all along.
While this was obviously a small-scale experience, it still wowed me because from the moment I saw it, it felt like it had been expressly created for me and my apartment and dropped into my experience at just the perfect time.
I’ve long believed in the power of creative visualization and manifestation, after countless experiences that couldn’t be explained otherwise. But most of it was on that “cool synchronicity” level, like seeing someone I hadn’t seen in years an hour after thinking about them or getting a ticket to a sold out concert. But when I set an intention to manifest a new place to live in 2018 after quitting a job I hated and living for a year in a very mediocre apartment, it was more a fun exercise in daydreaming than anything else. I had a blast going all out and imagining every aspect of my ideal home, and writing it down in a very matter of fact list.
The several places I saw immediately afterward, however, made me question the effectiveness of this process. There was the tiny, dingy, smelly second-floor Cambridge walkup at the very top of my price range with with the (unusable) back deck and the (non-functioning) in-wall AC unit. The straight-out-of-the-’70s (in the bad way) apartment with wall-to-wall plush burgundy carpeting, a washer and dryer smack-dab in the middle of the living room, and absolutely horrendous, sinister vibes.
I broke down crying after that one, feeling like maybe I was stupid to really put much stock in positive thinking and woo-woo law of attraction practices. But there was still a listing that seemed fine enough — and maybe it was worth one last look before I threw in the towel and moved back in with my parents at age 32. It was the day after my birthday, and I was hoping for a little magic. I needed a little magic! I met the broker outside and was unimpressed by the boring, beige exterior of the double-decker home. So much for being optimistic, I thought. Then, he opened the front door.
The landlord looked up from where he sat on the floor of the living room, refinishing the gleaming hardwood floors, and flashed me a smile. Sunlight streamed in from every direction, making the space feel warm and inviting even though it was totally unfurnished. A grand arch with beautiful molding separated the foyer from the cozy living room, which was adjacent to a sunroom. A sunroom! I didn’t even know I needed a sunroom, but I did. I did. The dining room had a beautiful built-in, painted white, with glass panes perfect for placing knickknacks behind.
I stepped over the paper-protected floors and into the kitchen, which was painted butter yellow and had three windows above the sink that looked out to the street. I immediately saw myself standing there, making dinner and doing dishes and brewing coffee. I just…knew. And here I sit, writing this from the still-stunning dining room nearly five years later, not long after renewing my lease.
No matter how many magical manifestations come forth, however, I never fail to be amazed by the specificity with which my prayers are answered and wishes are granted. Here is what I wrote in my journal, just over two months before I found my place:
In Boston, Cambridge, Somerville, Medford, Arlington, or Melrose
Sunny, airy, and bright
In-unit washer and dryer
Off-street parking space included
Dishwasher
Historic and extremely charming, yet with modern amenities
Private porch or outdoor space
At least one bedroom
Less than $2300 per month
Walking distance to a T station
Located within a half-hour or less commute to my job (post-COVID LOL)
Have an adjustable thermostat (my last apartment didn’t!!)
Have a responsive landlord who addresses issues immediately
Walkable to bars, restaurants, shops, and conveniences
And while on paper, these requirements might seem fairly easy to come by by chance, I’m sure that if you’ve also experienced something like this, you get it — because you feel it when you see it. After I moved that table into my apartment, after I signed that lease, after I inked my book deal, all I could think about was the following quote from Abraham-Hicks:
You don’t have to name your lovers, you don’t have to name the cities that you will move to, you don’t have to figure that out. You just have to find the feeling place of what you’re looking for and the Universe will lead you right there.
And when you get there, you’ll say: “Oh yeah, you’re exactly what I meant.”
Since I first read that quote several years ago, it has served not only as an immense source of comfort and confidence for me, but also a point of guidance that’s applicable to just about every situation and decision. When I went on a first date last summer — with a man I unexpectedly met in real life, at that! — it became clear to me within the first 10-15 minutes that while he was perfectly nice, he wasn’t exactly what I meant. And when we parted ways after a cocktail and an appetizer and I walked home around sunset with my favorite songs in my earbuds on that late July night, I wasn’t feeling bummed out at all; I was feeling at peace and grateful to know with total certainty that I’ll feel it when I see it. And I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for that to happen, despite articles and podcasts and well-meaning friends and relatives who try to tell me otherwise — that I’m being too picky, that I just need to force and contort and push and and “get out there,” as if “getting out there” at concerts and classes and events and travel isn’t how I spend and have always spent the majority of my time. Of course I’m being picky! It’s my life and I want to love it. Everyone should be picky! I’ve been picky about pretty much every single element of my life thus far, and it’s worked out quite swimmingly. I’m happy, I’m at peace, I have zero baggage, and I have a fun life that I love.
Your folk art, whimsical, hand-painted table and chair set — whatever that may be for you — is out there. So if you haven’t found it yet, don’t stress too much. Don’t even seek too much. I promise you that you’ll feel it when you see it.