live every day like you're in a hallmark christmas movie

let's get corny

it’s true: i have a pretty hard-and-fast rule about refraining from watching hallmark christmas movies until thanksgiving (one holiday at a time, please). but once i start, LOOK OUT! i gorge myself on that saccharine shit two hours at a time, straight through december 25, like they’re russian tea cakes or sugar cookies shaped like stockings and snowmen and covered in bright red and green icing. i even contemplated buying one of these hallmark christmas movie bingo cards, because how fun?!

and as ridiculous, unrealistic, and repetitive as their plots can be, i think i’ve come away with some life lessons as a result; some valuable, some probably less so. but indulge me here.

don’t be afraid to ditch boring people.

ESPECIALLY if they can be remotely described as your “big city boyfriend” (or fiancé). you know the type: a finance or MBA bro who’s constantly *taking calls* — even during romantic dinners — and who has all the personality of a cardboard cutout. he’ll likely also return with a ring for a jealousy-fueled grand gesture after you dump him and fall for the rugged jingle bell factory worker or ski instructor, so beware.

return to your hometown — and seek out incredibly quaint holiday events.

it’s totally okay if you don’t hail from somewhere named mistletoe springs or pine hills or tinselville. as long as you can get yourself to a tree lighting, ice skating rink, christmas carol-a-thon, and maybe a wreath-making contest, you’re good to go.

drink all of the hot cocoa.

or apple cider, or gingerbread lattes, or eggnog. or all of the above, if you get down like that (i do). preferably at the small town neighborhood coffee shop that’s oh-so-creatively named the bean or the daily grind or morning joe’s.

add caramel highlights to your hair.

i’ve only noticed it this year, but nearly every brunette hallmark actress is rocking some serious golden-brown balayage or dip dye action, and it looks so warm and cozy. i chuckled to myself, imagining a stable of women rotating in and out of hallmark’s approved salon to join the leagues of their made-for-tv peers.

pretend that one fairly low-stakes project is going to propel you into an executive leadership position at your company.

never feel bad about faking it ‘til you make it…because in hallmark land, delulu IS the solulu. nearly every single protagonist is suddenly tasked with a college-level assignment (due on christmas eve, natch) upon which all of their professional hopes and dreams hinge. if they “knock it out of the park,” (read: follow the basic instructions), they are immediately promoted to Vice President of Christmas Cheer or Yuletide Business or Corporate Merriment. no questions asked, no further skill demonstration necessary. manifestation is real, y’all!

fall in love with your enemy.

or, at least, a scruffy former high school classmate with whom you suddenly have unmatched witty banter with despite them only grunting at you three times back in the day. sure, you’ll roll your eyes at their groan-worthy dad jokes and assert your dominance when they question your ability to handle that Big Work Project, but soon, you’ll be snuggling up with them while roasting chestnuts over an open fire.

get stranded somewhere during a blizzard.

a cabin, a quaint new england resort, or a rustic reindeer farm — any will do, and the specifics don’t necessarily matter all that much, so long as you’re completely and totally snowed in and can be rescued by and/or stuck alongside your probably flannel-wearing love interest.

happy hallmarking, y’all!