propaganda i'm not falling for

on the eve of my 39th birthday

every single year, my birthday somehow comes as a huge surprise to me. and for some reason, the year before a milestone birthday seems to invoke more stress and fretting than the actual milestone birthday itself. for example, turning 30 felt good and comfortable and right — even though shortly after, my car broke down and the jerky guy i was dating dumped me — but 29 felt like i was teetering on the edge of a cliff, full of tension and pressure. let me just dive in already, or just rewind to 20, or something!

anyway, as i’m about to turn 39 tomorrow, i find myself in this sorta-unsettling limbo again. at least this time, with some more years under my belt, i recognize that it’s all mostly imaginary and a construct rather than anything based in fact. lately, i’ve been seeing the internet trend around “propaganda i’m not falling for,” in which folks share the things they don’t believe, even though it may be a somewhat prevailing opinion. so i thought it was a good time to share mine at this not-so-critical juncture in my life! what “propaganda” are you resisting? :)

1. you should refrain from doing “silly”/frivolous things, wearing fun outfits, or stifling your childlike joy just because you’re an adult.

   

   one thing about me is that i will always be enthusiastic (perhaps overly so) about the things i love and enjoy; it’s one of the things i dig the most about myself, tbh. and i will not let my ever-increasing age diminish that giddiness! for example, one of my best friends and i took the day off from work a couple weeks ago just to go to new york city for the night to see an up-and-coming band we’re into. we made a whole day of it, getting drinks, getting dinner, getting dressed up*, getting cheesecake and cappuccino in a cozy cafe after the show, and getting all fangirl-y watching our videos back in our hotel room. it was the most fun i’ve had in so long!

   

   another thing about me is that i love COLOR and FUN in all areas of my life, both literally and figuratively. my house is full of knickknacks, strange delights, and whimsical touches, and my wardrobe is full of secondhand treasures and t-shirts with dumb sayings. both collections span every color of the rainbow. and both make me smile every single day. that’s what life is all about, babyyy. at least it is for me. and there’s no age limit on that!

   *yes, i wore a crop top, and yes, you can pry it from my cold, dead hands, because i ain’t gonna stop wearing them until i can no longer pull them off!

2. you need to get married and/or have children to be happy, fulfilled, and “worthy.”

   sorry if this is controversial, but as a pretty perceptive person who is not married and does not have children, i feel like i see quite a lot of complaining and grousing from women around my age who are married and/or have kids. and while i get that not every day can be sunshine and rainbows for everyone, there seems to be an undercurrent of inevitability or lack of choice with these complaints, as if they somehow just…found themselves in a marriage with a baby, without any input on the matter. i’m frequently thinking to myself, “do you realize you didn’t have to get married? or have kids?” of course, i also have friends who are happily married and always sharing wonderful, joyful things about their children. but i sometimes wonder if some women weren’t brought up to feel like they had any agency when it came to their life paths, and it makes me a little sad. i feel extremely fortunate that i was, and while i would love to find the *right* partner (and not just a partner; see #5) with whom a relationship could lead to marriage, i don’t want children, and i am secure in that, and know that the lack of either of these things doesn’t take away from my happiness, wholeness, or success in life at all.

3. you should pinch every penny and forgo dream trips and experiences in the name of saving for the future.

   

   please do not misunderstand me. it’s very important to plan for the future and you should absolutely have a 401(K) and be consistently responsible with your money and all that jazz. however! life goes by quickly and if you keep waiting to do all of the things you want to do, you may never get to do them. it is absolutely fine — wonderful, even! — to splurge on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, or an incredible meal at a beautiful restaurant. and on that note, it is also totally possible to travel more often if you’re strategic and economical about your accommodations, food, etc. not every vacation needs to cost a fortune or be a week long!

4. it’s lame or sad to do things by yourself.

   this is perhaps the BIGGEST piece of BS for me. as y’all know, i do a ton of stuff alone: go to concerts, out to eat, to the movies, and on trips. the primary reason being that i truly do enjoy my own company (maybe too much, haha) and love the freedom that comes with being able to do whatever i want, whenever i want. dinner and a cocktail at bustling bistro bar by myself? my personal idea of heaven, basically. but i also got so tired many years ago of waiting around for friends to commit to trips or events and missing out on things i wanted to do because of it. i get it! life is busy, and people have families now, etc. etc. but why should that affect my plans and keep me from doing fun stuff? so while i’ll absolutely still ask friends and plan things in advance together with them, it has more often become, “hey, i’m doing this, or going here! if you want to join me, come along!”

   i understand that it’s not for everyone, but i very, very rarely get lonely, so solo stuff just works well for me. but the truth is that nobody is paying as much attention to you as you are, so you should never be worried about others judging you. and if they do, who cares? you’re almost certainly never going to see them again — and if they project their own insecurities or fears onto you by making a comment or trying to make you feel weird, that’s their problem, not yours.

5. “good enough” is acceptable in any area of your life.

   it breaks my heart when i see people settling for a relationship, career, or even a home that’s less than they deserve or not really what they want. i’ve always lived by the motto that “if you refuse to accept anything less than exactly what you want, you’ll eventually end up with exactly what you want.” and it has served me quite well so far. but it can take a lot of time! and sometimes, for whatever reason, you don’t have a lot of time. and i get that. but for me, i find that when i prioritize my desired outcomes and goals and say “no” to any options that aren’t them, i’m much happier. and as an unapologetic believer in manifestation and the power of positive thinking, i’ve also shared this bit of woo-woo inspiration from abraham-hicks in a previous post, but it still guides much of my approach:

   you don’t have to name your lovers, you don’t have to name the cities that you will move to, you don’t have to figure that out. you just have to find the feeling place of what you’re looking for and the universe will lead you right there. and when you get there, you’ll say: “oh yeah, you’re exactly what I meant.”

6. you should feel guilty about any of your pleasures.

   sort of related to #1, but i absolutely detest that specific brand of Internet Man (sorry, but it’s almost always a man!) who thinks that he has some sort of superiority of taste over others because…he has a liberal arts degree? and a marginally sizable platform on the internet, maybe? and a mustache, probably? and then makes people feel bad about bands or singers or songs or movies or TV shows that make them feel good? and usually without any real, legitimate reason, or at least a reason that can’t be applied to any number of other things that the Man probably approves of? silly. dumb. not buying it!! don’t yuck other people’s yums. it makes ya look like a dingus. and nobody wants to hang out with a dingus.

7. you have to push super hard to get the things that you want.

   sort of related to #5. yes, of course you need to put effort toward reaching your goals, succeeding in your career, and making your dreams come true. but in my personal experience, the best opportunities and experiences came along when i wasn’t trying particularly hard to make something happen or focused on anything specific at all. in fact, i was happy, relaxed, and not necessarily even overly positive, but more just chill and at peace with where i was and what i was doing. neediness and lack repels, contentedness and acceptance attracts. easier said that done, i know!